Heyyy kids, it’s time to play ~~Whose Take Is It Anyway~~, starring some of Bari Weiss’s “greatest” “hits” but mixed in with some equivalently hmm shall we say imaginative takes gleaned from the most low-rent corners of college campus internet. You know I love a good send-off.
Click on the headline for the big reveal; if you get a perfect 12/12, you win the illustrious and oft-desired prize of self awareness!!
Three Cheers for Cultural Appropriation: “If we make people stay in the ethnic and racial lane assigned to them by accident of birth, we’ll lose everything that makes this country great.”
PSA — You Can Still Be A Republican And NOT Kiss Trump’s Ass: “As I said, I'm politically independent. More specifically, I'm a true independent, which means I literally don't lean more left or right on average.”
Australians Have More Fun: “On New Year’s Day in Sydney I spent seven hours at the beach. Doing what, I can’t quite tell you.”
Orange County California Is Preposterous: “When I think of heaven for white people, I think of a place that dumps money into an all-out Forth [sic] of July celebration.”
Aziz Ansari is Guilty. Of Not Being A Mind Reader: “It’s called ‘bad sex.’ It sucks.”
Why Are Only Single People Funny?: “It’s obnoxious. Just like how I can no longer tweet relatable things.”
The Bikini Contest Is Over, But We Are Living Inside the Beauty Pageant: “It’s not because I wasn’t ambitious: It’s that I looked at them and felt confident I was a different species.”
Not Every Woman Is Beautiful: “Frankly, I’m sick of journalists, big corporations, social media users, and society as a whole telling this lie that nobody really believes.”
Did I Just Get Yanged?: “On New Year’s Eve it occurred to me that, despite living in New York, which prides itself on being the most cosmopolitan city in the world, I had not been in a room with such a politically diverse group of people since Donald Trump was elected president.”
Being Smart Is Still Cool: “You can literally grasp college life by the nutsack with your knowledgeable, yet fun personality.”
The Coronavirus Makes Our Old Culture Wars Seem Quaint: “Politics was always about two things that Twitter never valued: real-life relationships and compromise. Twitter convinced us it was about drama, and turned dramatic overreaction to every burp into something like a civic duty.”
Snapchat Stories Have Ruined The Magic Of Blacking Out: “Blacking out is exciting. You get to be a detective and try to put the pieces of the shameful puzzle together.”
Deez Links is a dailyish newsletter written by delia cai.