so i never want to read the words “onetime Gawker whipping bro” ever again pls

Lots to roll your eyeballs back into your skull and check out the wallpaper up there for a good long time re: this Bryan Goldberg (tl;dr, the guy who founded Bustle & Bleacher Report, bought what’s left of Mic & thinks he’s going to pull off Gawker 2.0 and rOcK tHe mEdiA wOrLd as 35-year-old entrepreneurs named Bryan often believe) profile, but here are the choiiiiicest bits to take away / skewer / keep them eyeballs a’rollin:

  • Ladies, if a media bro ever wants to “pick your brain” about your work/expertise, charge AT LEAST $200 for a package of consulting sessions don’t you DARE give that knowledge away for free i swear to god

  • Should someone tell this writer about the difference between Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Beyoncé??

  • “At the beginning, Goldberg managed the engineering team, despite never having written a line of code” <——sounds about exactly right regarding the prevalence of meritocracy in this industry!!!

  • “Erin Corbett, who wrote for Bustle for a year starting in 2016, says she was initially paid $10 an hour, without benefits, for a seven-hour shift during which she was expected to write three to five blog posts. She was later bumped up to $12.50 an hour.” UM ARE YOU JOKING MOI

  • And finally, after some SERIOUS drama, Goldberg still thinks Gawker 2.0 will debut this fall?? My dude, there are base tans that have taken longer to build up.